Sleeping In The Flowers

Tall Ships and Burnt Buses

This weekend I went to the Tall Ships Regatta. It was full of tall ships. On Saturday, I went alone down to Lieutenant Schmidt Embankment to see the festivities first hand.

There were dancers (notice the dancer on the left giving a pelvic thrust in the general direction of the 9 year old), ships, and general festivities. Being that I have no idea what the hell makes one boat better than the other, I decided to watch the street-ball tournament for an hour and drink a couple beers. Then it seemed like a good time to go home and pass out for a bit.

On my way home I saw this crazy burnt up bus. It was still spewing liquids all over the street when I arrived. It was just across the street from my apartment and the locals were milling about talking it up.

Sunday, I went back down to see the boats with my fellow intern Katya. We were amazed by the lack of people there. But we saw this crazy statue of a disinterested man accosting a half naked hysterical woman while some cat type beast lurks under his feet. I'm sure it's famous or symbolic or something.

The boats were still tall though. And Katya decided to paint a clay mask at the art booth. I decided to watch. We saw a few bands play after that and called it a day at the annual Tall Ship Regatta.

I really can't say that it wasn't fun but I still have no idea why tall ships are something to see.

Marathon of Death and Faith No More

The White Nights Marathon was the worst time I’ve ran, but the best race I ran at the same time. I was feeling like shit the day of the race. Still really sick yet determined to convince myself otherwise. So I ran a solid 2 hour half marathon and felt like death. At this point I knew there was no way I was going to finish. I just decided to go as long as possible I suppose from curiosity. I made it to mile 15 crawling. I pushed on. At mile 17 I decided to but a snickers bar and a Coke then if I had no energy, I would quit.

I was rejuvenated. I pushed forward with caffeine power. At mile 21 the nice old lady offered to call the ambulance. I laughed and moved forward toward the finish. I ran with a guy for 5k and then it was all me. I finished in 5 hours and random minutes. I got a medal, one which I felt I actually earned. Running with the flu sucks.

Then I decided to medicate myself. Boy did those drugs mess me up. I expressed my love to many people while on these allergy drugs. I was in love with the world. I don’t have allergies so I stop taking that medicine. Besides they were giving me horrible headaches. I bought some actual antibiotics recommended by Katya on Wednesday. They are normal and work.

I regress, Tuesday I saw Faith No More in concert. I left work early to get there on time. I bought horrible seats but this worked to my advantage as they didn’t even open my section. In fact I noticed that they were not checking tickets at all. So I wandered to the VIP section where I watched the show directly in front of the stage mere feet from Mike Patton. That’s not the story.

I met an Irishman, a Kiwi, and an English speaking Russian girl between the opening act and FNM. They were talking about smoking in the concert hall (which was a hockey stadium). I turned around and told them in English that the guy next to me lit up and all the guard did was told him to put it out. Then we chatted briefly before the band came out. Once FNM started playing a domestic dispute erupted. The Russian girl who was dating the Irish guy punched the Kiwi in the face. He started whining about the girl being a bitch and punching him. The Irish guy tried to calm the situation but the Russian girl ran off.

The rest of the concert I could see the Irishman texting the Russian girl. The Kiwi was bitching too about how rude she was. Awesome.

I had a great time at the show. It was great because I felt I had an advantage over the crowd as I understood all the words.

It felt true when I was yelling “I’ve never felt this much alive” during The Gentle Art of Making Enemies.

Chaffing Prevention in Russia

Ok, sorry I’ve been away so long. I’ll explain. It was a combination of things that sidetracked my blog. The illness which I had/have would not go away and got worse. I started a regimen of Theraflu but that didn’t help.

So I decided to shut myself in and rest. Which I did and I even missed work on Monday. The other reason is that I’ve been working on a 20 page paper making a case to try Mikheil Saakashvili for crimes against humanity for his role in the August War with Russia last year.

( THERE IS A SPACE HERE BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN)

(BLOGSPOT SUCKS BECAUSE IT WON'T LET ME SPACE)

Now, let me start blogging. I decided to run the St. Petersburg Marathon despite feeling like ass. I ran the past two days and didn’t die so I figure I can finish 26.2. I went down to the registration, signed up, paid, saw the Russian doctor who signed off on my health by looking at me (literally, he just glanced at me and signed the form). No problems. I even went to the Pasta Party in an attempt to be more social with my fellow runners. Typically there are only 400 runners at this event and I’d be surprised if that many show tomorrow. The forecast is solid rain and the tourist season is down due to the economy.

Well, this brings me to the interesting part of the story. There are things I hate about running and one is chaffing. To prevent this I (as do many others) use Vaseline.

At the Pasta Party/merchandise sale thing I was at, I thought for sure there would be some type of chaffing prevention gel or something. But no. So I thought the Apteka would have the goods I needed. I wondered on down to the Apteka the furthest from my home, as I did not want my neighbors wondering why I was buying Vaseline. And believe me they all would know and wonder.

I found a two story Apteka not far from where I registered. I was excited and even thought I knew where to look first-in the condom/Viagra/petroleum jelly/morning after pill display case. Another reason why I wanted to go to an Apteka far from home. So I found said case and no Vaseline. In fact, no petroleum jelly. I was confused. I looked around everywhere. The hair products five display cases, the cologne display case, the herbal remedies display case, nothing. Then I remembered seeing petroleum jelly at the grocery as an impulse buy item by the cashier.

Of course, I’ll go to the grocery and pick something up there. Deodorant gel works too for these situations, so I would have a fall back. I went to the grocery and found the deodorant quickly. Picked it up and began looking for the Vaseline. I went all over the place, no Vaseline. Not in the baby aisle, not in the shampoo/toothpaste/random bathroom accessory aisle. Nowhere. I decided to go with the deodorant.

I got to the check out and staring me in the face was huge boxes of Mustang condoms, pregnancy tests, and petroleum jelly tubes. Impulse items. Who wouldn’t be standing in line thinking, “I wonder if I’m knocked up?” or “You know what, I think I am running low on the petro jelly.”

It was staring at me. Screaming “hey, you got the nerve to buy me, right now, in front of all these people? Me, the extra large tube of petroleum jelly. You know the one where you’ll have to buy a bag because I’ll stick out of your pocket on the way home, in the metro, and people will wonder.”

No I didn’t. I went with the deodorant. I hate chaffing.

This Week in Lenin 06 14 09

Well this week’s This Week in Lenin is an extra special addition. As I was searching for Lenin’s two weeks ago (before I had the comprehensive list- thanks to Катя) I kept stumbling upon this article on the Internet about a Lenin statute that was bombed. http://www.euronews.net/2009/04/02/lenin-statue-targeted-in-st-petersburg/


Of course, I couldn’t resist going down to Finland Train Station to take a gander first hand. I needed to see the Lenin who ate a burrito and blew out his trousers. To my surprise, I found a Lenin in a Box! It was fantastic, the park was scattered with alcoholics waiting for trains and Lenin was hiding out in his box.

Here’s my critique- Notice the wood boards that Lenin is sporting. Along the lower half he is wearing horizontal 2 x 4’s probably treated as the weather in good ole St. Petersburg is unforgiving. Lenin chose Plywood to adorn his upper half. The implied statement is, “what’s good for the working class statues is good for me.” Not to be left without a hat, the top of the plywood has 2 x 4’s hanging off to remind us all how much Lenin loved his hats.

The highlight of the trip for me was the man asking me to drink beer with him in the park. It wasn’t the offer but the fact that I have progressed to understanding drunken Russian that made my day. I declined his offer and went off to get lost in the Cyrillic sea which is my home.

Russia Day 2009

Russia Day 2009 has come to an end. What a glorious day it was. I began the day by fighting round two with the Candy Aquamatic 3.5L Class AA Russian washing machine.

Round one was two days ago and it took me an hour and downloading the manual in English to finally understand this extremely complicated piece of equipment. After pushing the four buttons repeatedly and desperately searching for the reset button, it started to work. I managed to get the whites done by 2pm and went venturing. I went hunting Lenin Statues and vegetarian restaurants.

My journey lead me to a mini-Russia Day concert. It was sparsely attended but there was one man in a khaki sweater who was really into the performance and pumped his fist in the air at odd times. He was not going let his Russia Day be anything but celebratory!

I left the concert and walked in search of the elusive Lenins. I realized that the area I was in is where St. Petersburg State University Law School is located. I had been there last year and really liked the area. I passed a fire station with a really appropriate statue.

Then I found two Lenin statues within 5 minutes of each other. I did not find a vegetarian restaurant but settled for a German one instead. I was their only customer and ordered a plate of vegetables (which meant cucumbers and tomatoes), fried rye bread covered in cheese, French fries and a German beer. The meal was nothing exciting but I did watch an American walk in and ask the non-English speaking waitress “Is the bar open? I just want to grab a beer at the bar.” She blocked his way to the bar which was closed and looking puzzled told him in Russian that he could sit in the giant empty room with me. He then said “I was just looking for a beer at the bar,” and walked out.

I left the German joint and thought I’d visit my friend Anton at his souvenir store on Nevesky Prospekt. Of course I got extremely turned around on the way as I walked along the port looking at the docked cruise ships. (Wow side note- I’m watching Russia Day celebrations in Moscow right now and there are very buff guys wearing spandex suits hula-hooping. You make the call.) So I never found Anton’s shop, but instead ended up at a metro station far away from my destination. Anyone who has ever been in an unfamiliar place with me will attest my sense of direction is horrible. And it proved to be consistent today as well.

So I got home and sat on my balcony drank a Baltica 4 and ate a Snickers. I never eat Snickers in the US but for some reason I’ve been craving them every day

.

After a two hour nap, I went to the café across the street for cake and green tea. Both of which were available there and I spoke with the bacon/vegetable waitress again. She asked me where I was from and I told her Indiana. She said “Cool,” then smiled. I responded with “Maybe it’s cool,” and asked her where she was from. She said St. Petersburg. I told her that was good and so ended our brief encounter in Russian. She launched into a monologue which I had no idea what she said. I just agreed then sat there for 15 minutes waiting for a menu. I guess I agreed not to eat or be served. I moved from my outside table to one inside and was instantly served by a different waitress. So it goes.

That was Russia Day 2009.

Bacon the Newest Vegtable

****WARNING THIS IS FRON JUNE 4, 2009*****

I’m sitting here trying to get the Internet to work and it should since I bought the SIM card and modem but apparently Bee-Line SUCKS as an Internet on this side of town. I should have listened to the IT guy and got Megaphone but I went cheap.

I was trying this earlier then got pissed off and decided to get a haircut. That went really well. I went in and apologized from being American then they all laughed and she cut every single strand of hair on my head. The best hour haircut I have ever had and less than $20.

Then I decided to try out the new hair at the café across the street. It was a nice diner and the waitress ran up to me smiling! That’s right, smiling in Russia. She was full of energy and willing to talk. As soon as I opened my mouth she knew I was foreign. This did ‘not run her off but instead she giggled and offered to help. I said, “Ok, I don’t eat meat. No fish, chicken, or any meat.” She said she understood and recommended the borscht. I was skeptical. I have seen meat in almost every bowl of borscht this side of Boston. I said again, “No meat right? No fish, no chicken…” and she agreed. We were on the same page and I was starving.

She came back to my table to refill the already full napkins and ask me if everything was ok. I said yes and continued to play the bowling game I found on my phone. Then not more than 5 minutes later she returned with her arms full of food. The borscht looked great, it came with three garlic rolls, bread, coke, and chocolate cake. All for under $10. I was amazed. I took as big spoon full of borscht and tasted something familiar. BACON-the other vegetable. What the fuck? I attempted to eat around the bacon but it was everywhere. I started to get ill from the taste of the grease in the soup. I devoured my rolls, bread, and cake leaving the bacon filled borscht to sit alone on the table and think about what it had done.

The waitress came bouncing back and asked, “was it tasty?” I smiled and said bacon and pointed at the bowl with bacon strips hanging all over it. She smiled and said, “it was good, right?” Then I reminded her that bacon was meat and I don’t eat meat. She looked dumbfounded for a minute then put her hand against her face and apologized saying she forgot that bacon was meat. Of course, I mean, I bet she stumbles upon bacon patches all the time when hunting shrooms with her grandmother at the dacha. I forgave her and paid the bill. Then I held my stomach all the way home as it is still cramping.

That was my afternoon. If I ever get Internet access, perhaps I’ll elaborate on my other experiences.