Your Mom Follows My Blog

Greetings From (Soviet) Albany

2011-06-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

Haphazardly Learning Hungarian While Considering the Art of Defending Oneself with a Toblerone

2011-06-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

I was accepted into Central European Universities (located in Budapest, Hungary) LL.M program in International Business Law, so my domestic partner/girlfriend decided that we should try to pick up the language. I’m not sure if there ever was a more unique language to try to learn.

First of all, let’s start with the fact that it’s a Finno-Ubric language. Now unless you study languages or have a Masters degree in Central/Eastern European Studies from Georgetown, this will mean nothing to you. AND THERE IS NO REASON TO KNOW THIS! Only Finnish, Hungarian, and Estonian are Finno-Ubric. Why oh why do all the language books harp on this useless point? It’s not like I’m looking at the word dumbfounded and then once it dawns on me that Hungarian is Finno-Ubric then PRESTO I immediately become fluent.

Second of all, Legeslegmegszentsegtlenithetetlenebbeiteknek is a real word in Hungarian. It means: “for you deeds of utmost ability to withstand desanctification,” which in itself doesn’t make sense!

So besides torturing myself with Hungarian, I have taken a new game on my way to work. I walk 2 miles to work each day and I need things to keep my mind occupied. I started imagining what I would do if I was attacked by a wrongdoer on my walk. Being not intimidating, I decided that I would have to use something that I’m carrying to defend myself.

So, the game starts with me trying to figure out a way to defend myself with whatever it is that I’m carrying that day. For instance, a Toblerone bar. If attacked, I would shove the Toblerone in the attacker’s eye, blinding her (notice the gender conscience word choice) just long enough for my escape.

More often than not, I’m armed with a Starbucks coffee cup. This allows for more options to defend yourself. You could throw the hot coffee in her face, but that’s oblivious. So I think I’d throw the coffee at her legs, scolding them and causing the attacker in bend down. Just then I’d smash the attacker in the nose with my empty cup and run away.

OK, OK…I need to get back to learning Finno-Ubric languages.

REJECTION OF THE WEEK

2011-04-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

So here's how this will work. I have been applying to jobs since I graduated law school in May. I have a ton of rejections. And instead of horde them...why not share. Once a week I'll post a rejection and comment on it's contents. I hope you all will enjoy.

AUGUST 23, 2010- Montana Legal Services Association

Re: Indian Law Project -AmeriCorps Legal Fellow

Monday, August 23, 2010 12:58 PM

Good Morning Ms. Cottrill:

This position has already been filled. Thank you for your time and interest.

Montana Legal Services Association
616 Helena Avenue, Suite 100
Helena, MT 59601
Toll Free: (800) 666-6124 Ext. 34
Ph: (406) 442-9830 Ext. 34
Fx: (406) 442-9817
Websites:
www.mtlsa.org www.MontanaLawHelp.org

Note how they refer to me as a woman. And the brevity!

Rejection purists may say, “This is not a rejection but a clarification of the availability of the position sought.”

To you purist I say, “Shh…Art Crawl..Art Crawl.”

Looking for Funiculars in All the Wrong Places

2011-03-25T11:17:00.001-07:00

March 5, 2011 was the annual Pittsfield (Vermont) Snowshoe Marathon. This year I went out with my snowshoes in tow in an attempt to conquer the mountain. In a blazing 7 hours and 22 minutes, I limped across the finish line with tail between my legs. Alas, no funicular on the mountain.

Indiana wants me...and I just went back there...

2010-11-26T11:40:00.001-08:00

So I recently went back to the Hoosier state to visit family, introduce my girlfriend to where I grew up, and of course, run a trail marathon at Abe Lincoln’s boyhood home.

We stopped at a festival in Lexington, Kentucky where I was happily surprised to find a man on a camel statue right downtown. I think the actual festival going on downtown had less festival goers than homeless. But at least now I know that Lexington is trying to do something, even if that something is tents with beer-cheese vendors.

The marathon was in Lincoln City State Park which is conveniently located right next door to Santa Claus, IN. We spent the night at Santa’s lodge which was over-run with kids. Upon investigating our food options we found out that there was a great “Mexican or was it Mongolian” restaurant located in Dale. Upon arrival we discovered that it was indeed Mongolian. In fact we had an eight-year old escort us to our booth and tell us to eat as he pointed to the buffet. The food was mediocre (great compared with the other Mongolian places in Southern, IN) but the experience was worthwhile. I wouldn’t want to ruin the experience for anyone reading this who may want to go, but here’s a tip: there is a menu and you don’t have to get the buffet. AND stick to asking the 8 yr old questions. He is the only one who seemed to both speak and understand English. I mean if you speak Mongolian, feel free to chat it up, but I’m guessing the majority of you don’t.

After the Marathon, which I placed 13^th out of 16 runners and was my worst time ever (I ran better with the flu in Russia), we went to West Baden Springs resort to relax with the Third Reich. Who would have thought that swastika’s were still in style in this 500 million dollar renovated spa? It was a very nice establishment which wasn’t afraid of the possible negative connotation that the swastika had took on after WWII.

Then it was on to the home town to visit the family and see Indiana in the fall. Overall, we had a good time. Indiana never ceases to surprise me. There were many more funny stories involving Amish, time zones, libraries, and dirty minor league hockey mascots… but one can only stomach so much Hoosier tales in a blog.

Sleeping In The Flowers

2009-07-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

Tall Ships and Burnt Buses

2009-07-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to the Tall Ships Regatta. It was full of tall ships. On Saturday, I went alone down to Lieutenant Schmidt Embankment to see the festivities first hand.

There were dancers (notice the dancer on the left giving a pelvic thrust in the general direction of the 9 year old), ships, and general festivities. Being that I have no idea what the hell makes one boat better than the other, I decided to watch the street-ball tournament for an hour and drink a couple beers. Then it seemed like a good time to go home and pass out for a bit.

On my way home I saw this crazy burnt up bus. It was still spewing liquids all over the street when I arrived. It was just across the street from my apartment and the locals were milling about talking it up.

Sunday, I went back down to see the boats with my fellow intern Katya. We were amazed by the lack of people there. But we saw this crazy statue of a disinterested man accosting a half naked hysterical woman while some cat type beast lurks under his feet. I'm sure it's famous or symbolic or something.

The boats were still tall though. And Katya decided to paint a clay mask at the art booth. I decided to watch. We saw a few bands play after that and called it a day at the annual Tall Ship Regatta.

I really can't say that it wasn't fun but I still have no idea why tall ships are something to see.

Marathon of Death and Faith No More

2009-07-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

The White Nights Marathon was the worst time I’ve ran, but the best race I ran at the same time. I was feeling like shit the day of the race. Still really sick yet determined to convince myself otherwise. So I ran a solid 2 hour half marathon and felt like death. At this point I knew there was no way I was going to finish. I just decided to go as long as possible I suppose from curiosity. I made it to mile 15 crawling. I pushed on. At mile 17 I decided to but a snickers bar and a Coke then if I had no energy, I would quit.

I was rejuvenated. I pushed forward with caffeine power. At mile 21 the nice old lady offered to call the ambulance. I laughed and moved forward toward the finish. I ran with a guy for 5k and then it was all me. I finished in 5 hours and random minutes. I got a medal, one which I felt I actually earned. Running with the flu sucks.

Then I decided to medicate myself. Boy did those drugs mess me up. I expressed my love to many people while on these allergy drugs. I was in love with the world. I don’t have allergies so I stop taking that medicine. Besides they were giving me horrible headaches. I bought some actual antibiotics recommended by Katya on Wednesday. They are normal and work.

I regress, Tuesday I saw Faith No More in concert. I left work early to get there on time. I bought horrible seats but this worked to my advantage as they didn’t even open my section. In fact I noticed that they were not checking tickets at all. So I wandered to the VIP section where I watched the show directly in front of the stage mere feet from Mike Patton. That’s not the story.

I met an Irishman, a Kiwi, and an English speaking Russian girl between the opening act and FNM. They were talking about smoking in the concert hall (which was a hockey stadium). I turned around and told them in English that the guy next to me lit up and all the guard did was told him to put it out. Then we chatted briefly before the band came out. Once FNM started playing a domestic dispute erupted. The Russian girl who was dating the Irish guy punched the Kiwi in the face. He started whining about the girl being a bitch and punching him. The Irish guy tried to calm the situation but the Russian girl ran off.

The rest of the concert I could see the Irishman texting the Russian girl. The Kiwi was bitching too about how rude she was. Awesome.

I had a great time at the show. It was great because I felt I had an advantage over the crowd as I understood all the words.

It felt true when I was yelling “I’ve never felt this much alive” during The Gentle Art of Making Enemies.

Chaffing Prevention in Russia

2009-06-27T09:20:00.001-07:00

Ok, sorry I’ve been away so long. I’ll explain. It was a combination of things that sidetracked my blog. The illness which I had/have would not go away and got worse. I started a regimen of Theraflu but that didn’t help.

So I decided to shut myself in and rest. Which I did and I even missed work on Monday. The other reason is that I’ve been working on a 20 page paper making a case to try Mikheil Saakashvili for crimes against humanity for his role in the August War with Russia last year.

( THERE IS A SPACE HERE BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN)

(BLOGSPOT SUCKS BECAUSE IT WON'T LET ME SPACE)

Now, let me start blogging. I decided to run the St. Petersburg Marathon despite feeling like ass. I ran the past two days and didn’t die so I figure I can finish 26.2. I went down to the registration, signed up, paid, saw the Russian doctor who signed off on my health by looking at me (literally, he just glanced at me and signed the form). No problems. I even went to the Pasta Party in an attempt to be more social with my fellow runners. Typically there are only 400 runners at this event and I’d be surprised if that many show tomorrow. The forecast is solid rain and the tourist season is down due to the economy.

Well, this brings me to the interesting part of the story. There are things I hate about running and one is chaffing. To prevent this I (as do many others) use Vaseline.

At the Pasta Party/merchandise sale thing I was at, I thought for sure there would be some type of chaffing prevention gel or something. But no. So I thought the Apteka would have the goods I needed. I wondered on down to the Apteka the furthest from my home, as I did not want my neighbors wondering why I was buying Vaseline. And believe me they all would know and wonder.

I found a two story Apteka not far from where I registered. I was excited and even thought I knew where to look first-in the condom/Viagra/petroleum jelly/morning after pill display case. Another reason why I wanted to go to an Apteka far from home. So I found said case and no Vaseline. In fact, no petroleum jelly. I was confused. I looked around everywhere. The hair products five display cases, the cologne display case, the herbal remedies display case, nothing. Then I remembered seeing petroleum jelly at the grocery as an impulse buy item by the cashier.

Of course, I’ll go to the grocery and pick something up there. Deodorant gel works too for these situations, so I would have a fall back. I went to the grocery and found the deodorant quickly. Picked it up and began looking for the Vaseline. I went all over the place, no Vaseline. Not in the baby aisle, not in the shampoo/toothpaste/random bathroom accessory aisle. Nowhere. I decided to go with the deodorant.

I got to the check out and staring me in the face was huge boxes of Mustang condoms, pregnancy tests, and petroleum jelly tubes. Impulse items. Who wouldn’t be standing in line thinking, “I wonder if I’m knocked up?” or “You know what, I think I am running low on the petro jelly.”

It was staring at me. Screaming “hey, you got the nerve to buy me, right now, in front of all these people? Me, the extra large tube of petroleum jelly. You know the one where you’ll have to buy a bag because I’ll stick out of your pocket on the way home, in the metro, and people will wonder.”

No I didn’t. I went with the deodorant. I hate chaffing.

This Week in Lenin 06 14 09

2009-06-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

Well this week’s This Week in Lenin is an extra special addition. As I was searching for Lenin’s two weeks ago (before I had the comprehensive list- thanks to Катя) I kept stumbling upon this article on the Internet about a Lenin statute that was bombed. http://www.euronews.net/2009/04/02/lenin-statue-targeted-in-st-petersburg/

Of course, I couldn’t resist going down to Finland Train Station to take a gander first hand. I needed to see the Lenin who ate a burrito and blew out his trousers. To my surprise, I found a Lenin in a Box! It was fantastic, the park was scattered with alcoholics waiting for trains and Lenin was hiding out in his box.

Here’s my critique- Notice the wood boards that Lenin is sporting. Along the lower half he is wearing horizontal 2 x 4’s probably treated as the weather in good ole St. Petersburg is unforgiving. Lenin chose Plywood to adorn his upper half. The implied statement is, “what’s good for the working class statues is good for me.” Not to be left without a hat, the top of the plywood has 2 x 4’s hanging off to remind us all how much Lenin loved his hats.

The highlight of the trip for me was the man asking me to drink beer with him in the park. It wasn’t the offer but the fact that I have progressed to understanding drunken Russian that made my day. I declined his offer and went off to get lost in the Cyrillic sea which is my home.

Russia Day 2009

2009-06-12T12:23:00.001-07:00

Russia Day 2009 has come to an end. What a glorious day it was. I began the day by fighting round two with the Candy Aquamatic 3.5L Class AA Russian washing machine.

Round one was two days ago and it took me an hour and downloading the manual in English to finally understand this extremely complicated piece of equipment. After pushing the four buttons repeatedly and desperately searching for the reset button, it started to work. I managed to get the whites done by 2pm and went venturing. I went hunting Lenin Statues and vegetarian restaurants.

My journey lead me to a mini-Russia Day concert. It was sparsely attended but there was one man in a khaki sweater who was really into the performance and pumped his fist in the air at odd times. He was not going let his Russia Day be anything but celebratory!

I left the concert and walked in search of the elusive Lenins. I realized that the area I was in is where St. Petersburg State University Law School is located. I had been there last year and really liked the area. I passed a fire station with a really appropriate statue.

Then I found two Lenin statues within 5 minutes of each other. I did not find a vegetarian restaurant but settled for a German one instead. I was their only customer and ordered a plate of vegetables (which meant cucumbers and tomatoes), fried rye bread covered in cheese, French fries and a German beer. The meal was nothing exciting but I did watch an American walk in and ask the non-English speaking waitress “Is the bar open? I just want to grab a beer at the bar.” She blocked his way to the bar which was closed and looking puzzled told him in Russian that he could sit in the giant empty room with me. He then said “I was just looking for a beer at the bar,” and walked out.

I left the German joint and thought I’d visit my friend Anton at his souvenir store on Nevesky Prospekt. Of course I got extremely turned around on the way as I walked along the port looking at the docked cruise ships. (Wow side note- I’m watching Russia Day celebrations in Moscow right now and there are very buff guys wearing spandex suits hula-hooping. You make the call.) So I never found Anton’s shop, but instead ended up at a metro station far away from my destination. Anyone who has ever been in an unfamiliar place with me will attest my sense of direction is horrible. And it proved to be consistent today as well.

So I got home and sat on my balcony drank a Baltica 4 and ate a Snickers. I never eat Snickers in the US but for some reason I’ve been craving them every day

After a two hour nap, I went to the café across the street for cake and green tea. Both of which were available there and I spoke with the bacon/vegetable waitress again. She asked me where I was from and I told her Indiana. She said “Cool,” then smiled. I responded with “Maybe it’s cool,” and asked her where she was from. She said St. Petersburg. I told her that was good and so ended our brief encounter in Russian. She launched into a monologue which I had no idea what she said. I just agreed then sat there for 15 minutes waiting for a menu. I guess I agreed not to eat or be served. I moved from my outside table to one inside and was instantly served by a different waitress. So it goes.

That was Russia Day 2009.

Bacon the Newest Vegtable

2009-06-11T11:54:00.001-07:00

****WARNING THIS IS FRON JUNE 4, 2009*****

I’m sitting here trying to get the Internet to work and it should since I bought the SIM card and modem but apparently Bee-Line SUCKS as an Internet on this side of town. I should have listened to the IT guy and got Megaphone but I went cheap.

I was trying this earlier then got pissed off and decided to get a haircut. That went really well. I went in and apologized from being American then they all laughed and she cut every single strand of hair on my head. The best hour haircut I have ever had and less than $20.

Then I decided to try out the new hair at the café across the street. It was a nice diner and the waitress ran up to me smiling! That’s right, smiling in Russia. She was full of energy and willing to talk. As soon as I opened my mouth she knew I was foreign. This did ‘not run her off but instead she giggled and offered to help. I said, “Ok, I don’t eat meat. No fish, chicken, or any meat.” She said she understood and recommended the borscht. I was skeptical. I have seen meat in almost every bowl of borscht this side of Boston. I said again, “No meat right? No fish, no chicken…” and she agreed. We were on the same page and I was starving.

She came back to my table to refill the already full napkins and ask me if everything was ok. I said yes and continued to play the bowling game I found on my phone. Then not more than 5 minutes later she returned with her arms full of food. The borscht looked great, it came with three garlic rolls, bread, coke, and chocolate cake. All for under $10. I was amazed. I took as big spoon full of borscht and tasted something familiar. BACON-the other vegetable. What the fuck? I attempted to eat around the bacon but it was everywhere. I started to get ill from the taste of the grease in the soup. I devoured my rolls, bread, and cake leaving the bacon filled borscht to sit alone on the table and think about what it had done.

The waitress came bouncing back and asked, “was it tasty?” I smiled and said bacon and pointed at the bowl with bacon strips hanging all over it. She smiled and said, “it was good, right?” Then I reminded her that bacon was meat and I don’t eat meat. She looked dumbfounded for a minute then put her hand against her face and apologized saying she forgot that bacon was meat. Of course, I mean, I bet she stumbles upon bacon patches all the time when hunting shrooms with her grandmother at the dacha. I forgave her and paid the bill. Then I held my stomach all the way home as it is still cramping.

That was my afternoon. If I ever get Internet access, perhaps I’ll elaborate on my other experiences.

How To Tell When It Is Time To Change Professions

2009-06-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, I didn't think this needed an explanation. So if you were a spy in St. Petersburg and it was your birthday... I think the locals would be on to you if you saw this in the morning. Then you would need to change jobs. Get it.

Or if you were a spy in St. Petersburg and you got really drunk on your day of birth and you don't recall how the night ended. The next day....wow you talked a little too much. Career change?

I hope this helps.

This Week In Lenin-June 07 2009

2009-06-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

Well I apologize for posting twice in one day. I have a couple of posts I wrote while I was Internet-less so I’ll catch up, then we will all be on the same page. OK without further ado let’s get down to this week in Lenin!

I went to the end of my street, Leninsky Prospekt, to find the largest Lenin in the city. He is in front of the House of Soviets. It’s a happening place on a Sunday afternoon. Lenin is pointing with his trademark hat. As you can tell here he is wearing a three piece suit, necktie, and patent leather shoes. Obviously, he was thinking when he went out for his morning pointing because he remembered his overcoat on this blustery day. Not much to harp on here. Classic Lenin pose, attire is characteristic, everything appears normal….except

The abundance of curb squirrels which this Lenin attracts. This is the place to be if you are a sk8boarder in the city. There were rollerbladers in attendance as well. I enjoyed the whole scene set to the backdrop of babushkas and drunks loitering about on the nearby benches. This was one of my favorite finds in the city so far. No so much for the giant Lenin or the Soviet buildings or the fountains, but for the kids breaking the law and s8boarding all over communism.

Back in the Russian Federation (formerly USSR)

2009-06-07T01:38:00.000-07:00

So I arrived in St. Petersburg yesterday after no sleep the night before in Moldova or on the flight. Moldovan Airlines and Air Moldova were very nice airlines. Plenty of leg space and bl-ee-nee as in flight breakfast, beat that. I got here feeling horrible as my ears refused to pop and my head felt as if it was going to explode. I was met at the airport by Dmitri, man-purse in hand, who escorted me to his Lada. It was a newer model with Zenit stickers and scarves adoring the attire. If I hadn’t felt completely like my head was going to implode at any moment I might have mustered up a “We are Zenit, We are Peter” for camaraderie.
We arrived at my apartment where I met my roommate for a week, Dasha, and her two cats, Masha and Bliskya.

Outside my building was parked an old Газ from the 50’s. It is classniya! The apartment is rather (notice the Russified English slipping in) large with a balcony! That’s right I got my very own Балкон.

I immediately took a shower and decided to check out my new hood and try to exchange the shit-load of Hungarian Forint that I was hanging on to. It was close to 90 degrees so I thought I would tourist it up and wear shorts, sandals, and my Palmerton Bombers t-shirt. I knew this would confuse the locals so I was excited to see what was going to happen. I asked my Masha which way to the metro (although I had remembered that Dmitri had informed me it was left from the apartment. She confirmed his initial instruction. I walked for about a mile with no metro in sight before I gave up hope of finding the Metro in that direction.
On my way back toward home, I decided to change in all the Hungarian Forint which I was toting around. After stopping in 5 banks I realized my mistake in not changing this worthless currency at the airport. I did manage to piss off a bank guard. I asked him in Russian which window I could exchange money. He said in English, “What is you say? I do not understand. Over there.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his attempt to one up me in the bad language skills department and said “thanks, man.” He stormed off no doubt hating every inch of my Palmerton Bombers T-shirt.

I ended up buying a giant bottle of water then going back home and falling asleep @ 2 in the afternoon. I awoke around 5pm and decided to find my route to work. I found the Metro easily by walking 3 minutes the opposite way from my apartment. I bought a Metro card and set off for Nevisky Prospekt. I only had to go 5 stops on the red line then switch to the blue two more before I arrived at tourist central. I easily found my office just a block from the Metro and decided to look for food. Luckily, I stumbled upon Mama Roma an Italian restaurant with great food and typical service for Eastern Europe. It should be no surprise to me by now how what seems like a half hour dinner turns into wondering if you are going to get that Coke you ordered two hour later. I mean the rest of the meal came, why the hell would I be expect to drink anything when I eat? I guess it’s the American in me that fights dehydration. I need to learn to embrace it. I’m more certain than ever that babushkas actually grow a water hump and that’s why they slump over.
Any way, I managed to pay then make it home in less than 45 minutes. I immediately took the Thera-Flu which I purchased at the most decorated pharmacy I have ever been in. It was in a building that was no doubt of importance before the fall of the oligarchs. After all that excitement, I decided to sleep. That was my first day back in the former USSR.

RICK STEVES EAT YOUR LAME HEART OUT

2009-05-31T18:41:00.001-07:00

If ever in Moldova I would suggest drinking two beers then letting the locals drive you around their city. Recently (like 30 minutes ago) during my 5 hour layover in Chisinau, these three kids from Moldova convinced me that their city was worth seeing via Mercedes. I’m not sure whose car it was but it didn’t matter. They showed me all the statues, monuments, government buildings, ect in a matter of minutes. They kept telling me how great the people were but that the roads were shit. At first, after only one beer, I was skeptical about going on this adventure but the peer pressure wore me down. I had to go all in. I bought a Moldovan beer for the trip and off we went into the night. Like most Eastern European cities the layout was familiar. The Soviets were not too generous to these guys. In fact one member of my tour group openly admitted that if he had a hand gun he would open fire on the Communists and if the Nazi’s had won the war then they would be better off. I reminded him that 85% of DC was African-American. He did not make the connection but was happy to tell me the story of Steven the Great. Apparently this cat was some Moldovan badass. (Check him out on their money)

Any way, I made friends in this land of unused fertile soil. I would suggest letting go when here and letting the locals possibly kill you or show you the churches. Until next time-I must catch my flight!

THIS WEEK IN LENIN 31.05.09

2009-05-31T12:06:00.001-07:00

Ok so I’m sitting in the airport in Hungary waiting for my flight to Moldova then to St. Pete’s after a 5 hour layover. The Nuke Conference is over and I’m moving from the world of NGO’s to private law. I did not get to see much of Budapest as I was busy at the conference and I was sick. I did manage to make it out to the Park of Soviet Statues! Which brings us our first:

THIS WEEK IN LENIN

As you can tell, this is a classic throwback Lenin with hat in hand. He is ready for a chilly day with that patent overcoat yet still remaining sporty with that baseball hat clutched in his left fist. Notice his right hand is in his pocket. Ought-Oh, have we caught V.I. playing pocket pool? Indeed. You better call the pocket or it’s as good as a scratch. Can’t go wrong with flat front Dockers and Lenin knew that! No pleats for the proletariat. Finally, Lenin chose to wear Doc Martens when trudging upon the Hungarian soil and souls.

I hope you enjoyed the first THIS WEEK IN LENIN and there will be more to come.

Dying Albanians and Indian Kids

2009-05-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

So the trip here was somewhat eventful but not so much. Two flights I sat in front of different Indian children who both insisted on screaming obvious questions to their parents in between kicking the back of my seat.-Karma

I was waked at 2am-ish on my flight from Boston to Munich. The Albanian woman in my row was apparently dying or having health issues. I immediately blamed the in-flight movie National Treasure. The stewardess on the Lufthansa flight could not communicate to her or her husband because neither spoke English or German. I, of course, offered my Russian abilities. And the man said he understood Russian. Surprisingly, since it was me asking him. Which is more like, “Do you understand a Hoosier butchering the mother-tongue of Dostoevsky?”

Any way I found myself trying to remember medical terms. None of which I would ever use. I brought the serious conversation to a first grade level and pla

yed a game of 20 questions with the man. The flight crew broke out the oxygen and the two Russians behind me agreed to attempt to help out as well. They asked one question and said “she has high blood pressure and is not on medication.”

I like to think they would not have gotten that far without my “Her heart? Pharmacy…like aspirin..she eat like aspirin? …She heart hurt?”

So then I got here to Budapest and began work on translating flipcharts. My room kicks ass, so I celebrated by buying Бутерброд supplies.

Not much adventuring yet, but I’m excited to start as this language is funky.

Onward Followers: Watch Bad Movies!

2009-05-27T10:12:00.001-07:00

I am excited to see that I all ready have followers and have not left DC! Now I feel obligated to keep these people entertained while I prepare to travel about.
Here’s what to look forward to:

THIS WEEK IN LENIN-each week a different V.I. Lenin statue in an excitingly different pose!

MULLET MEASUREMENT: that’s right Eastern Europe is the last natural environment left for the mullet to live. With its habitat destroyed in almost all other parts of the world, I will personally attempt to grow my very own mullet as a way to say thank you to Billy Ray Cyrus.

OK that’s all the ideas I have for the moment so until I can write again and carry a man purse with pride; here are some movie recommendations:

Leprechaun 5: Lep in the Hood- while you may have seen Ice T in bad movies before, he will have you glued to the screen as he pulls a baseball bat from his Afro in the first two minutes of the film. You will not regret giving this film the 2 hrs of your life it will take away. But you will be left with the decision: should I watch Leprechaun 6 now or save that one for tomorrow. BONUS: Coolio guest appearance at the church scene.

Pterodactyl: Although I only saw the first 45 minutes of this soon to be classic Sci-Fi original, it was 45 minutes of greatness. I can only say be prepared for some 1980’s style horror graphics and equally predictable dialog. You may be saying- “Yeah, but no Ice T here.” I hear ya. Don’t fret; Coolio is a main character in this movie. When you need a bad horror movie/Sci-Fi flick, you need a rapper. His lines were simple and I can only guess he doesn’t die (because he is the only African-American in the movie). BONUS: horrible accents. Are they in Turkey/Armenia or Coney Island?

Well get to watching! And more news is yet to come.